Right to forgive - is it the most important?

A Sufi saint, on pilgrimage to Mecca, having completed the prescribed religious practices, knelt down and touched his forehead to the ground and prayed: “Allah! I have only one desire in life. Give me the grace of never offending you again.”

When the All-Merciful heard this he laughed aloud and said, “That’s what they all ask for. But if I granted everyone this grace, tell me, whom would I forgive?”

Peace of mind

Once Buddha was walking from one town to another town with a few of his followers. This was in the initial days. While they were travelling, they happened to pass a lake. They stopped there and Buddha told one of his disciples, “I am thirsty. Do get me some water from that lake there.”

The disciple walked up to the lake. When he reached it, he noticed that some people were washing clothes in the water and, right at that moment, a bullock cart started crossing through the lake. As a result, the water became very muddy, very turbid. The disciple thought, “How can I give this muddy water to Buddha to drink!” So he came back and told Buddha, “The water in there is very muddy. I don’t think it is fit to drink.”

After about half an hour, again Buddha asked the same disciple to go back to the lake and get him some water to drink. The disciple obediently went back to the lake. This time he found that the lake had absolutely clear water in it. The mud had settled down and the water above it looked fit to be had. So he collected some water in a pot and brought it to Buddha.

Buddha looked at the water, and then he looked up at the disciple and said, “See what you did to make the water clean. You let it be ... and the mud settled down on its own – and you got clear water... Your mind is also like that. When it is disturbed, just let it be. Give it a little time. It will settle down on its own. You don’t have to put in any effort to calm it down. It will happen. It is effortless.”

What did Buddha emphasize here? He said, “It is effortless.” Having 'peace of mind' is not a strenuous job; it is an effortless process. When there is peace inside you, that peace permeates to the outside. It spreads around you and in the environment, such that people around start feeling that peace and grace.

Source: Unknown

Disclaimer time

The thoughts I expressed on my post on money being a mean and not the end has had many takers. The reactions have been amazing. I am extremely happy that a lot of us are inclined to think on these lines. Somehow, I feel there is a need to add some additional points (what I have called 'Disclaimers') about the thought-process and its implications.

1. I am basically only saying these things. Do I personally live by it as of now? - NO. Do I want to? - YES. Will I be able to? - I HOPE SO. Point being I do not deserve any credit for saying it. I have NOT done much on those lines. So you can well tag me as an arm-chair reformist :D

2. I have written the post after reaching a point where I am financially not constrained. I have been doing things to chase materialistic ends. Charity begins at home, isn't it? So we have to be reasonably secured ourselves before we try to go around trying to help others. When I say we, I include our family members too. They have their own set of expectations from us. We must try to adhere to them too. Balancing between the two set of 'ideologies' is a fine act to attempt.

3. Many have reacted something like this: Dude, all this is fine. What is to be done? We are not sure of it. To that I would say, surely lot has to be done and many many many around are already doing it (NGOs, Organizations, etc). I will be throwing some light on many of them on this blog going forward. May be that could help to begin with. Also remember, when the student's ready, the teacher appears (Deepak Chopra mentions this in one of his books). Once we begin to think towards an aim, everything will begin to fall in place. The paths will be relatively clearer then.

So with the air being cleared now, I can resume my musings guiltlessly.. hehe :)

Do you own things or do they own you?

I read this statement recently and was quite struck by it: Things that you own now will end up owning you someday.

It is an extremely powerful thought. Loved it. It has been running inside my head since the moment I read it. Today, as I was having a conversation with my professor, he shared a beautiful story with me. It goes like this:

One fine day, while a sage is giving a discourse to his disciples, a man comes walking with his cow. The sage says to his disciples "See there, a man and a cow are coming together". The man hears this and gets a little agitated. He tells the sage "Hey old man, we are not coming together. You cannot put it like that." The sage replies "Oh yes, you are right. I am sorry. I will correct myself." He then tells his disciples "The cow is bringing the man". This makes the man very angry. He yells at the sage "Are you crazy? The cow is not bringing me. I am bringing it. I am controlling it. Do you understand?". To this, the sage replies beautifully saying "Sorry boy. The way I see it, the cow is bringing you alongwith it. If you leave the cow alone, it will still keep walking on its own, peacefully, without your help. But if it leaves you, can you do the same? So who's controlling whom?"

Awesome story. Hope you understand the gist and the message.

So, are you owning things or are they owning you?

Desires are desires

Continuing from the question on desires I had put up on a recent post and the comments I received on that, I am motivated to add more on that point.

I feel a desire is a desire. There are no good desires and bad desires. Material desires and not-so-material desires. Desires, in a spiritual sense, keeps you away from God since your mind is pre-occupied with trying to fulfill those desires. Good or bad, the nature of desires, must not matter. In fact, the very concept of good or bad is man-made. God does not judge our actions. God does not tag our deeds and put them into separate good and bad buckets. He just watches them and smiles, perhaps. I strongly feel that the closest we can get to purity is by being non-judgemental. Judging things around us and classifying them as good and bad is humane. As much as it is difficult to avoid judging things, we must strive to get there I believe.

So, taking the same point ahead, desires cannot be tagged good or bad. They just are means of keeping our thoughts on worldly things. Ideally, if a spiritual leader is truly spiritual, I would think he would not have any wishes or desires. He simply observes and spreads rays of happiness to those around him. Happiness, not in a material way. Happiness, not by making poor less poorer. Happiness, not by giving out alms and charity. Happiness, by making people FEEL happy, joyful and calm. That is the essence of a true spiritual leader. Mind you, such leader could be your parent, your best friend, a cousin or a neighbour as well.

For me, a desire of not having desires is also a desire. For me, I would love to be just see things as they are. I would love to have a third party approach to everything happening around me. I would want to believe that I do not necessarily influence things. They just are as they must be. I would want to simply be calm no matter what happens around me. For others looking at me, that would imply laziness and lack of initiative. For me, I would choose to smile, perhaps!

I have just put down my thoughts on this point. This does not obviously imply that I do not have desires or I have already adopted a third-party approach to life. What I meant is to try and reach there somehow, someday.

Desire

Desires, I have read in many spiritual books, are to be restrained to grow spiritually and reach closer to God. The other day, I read this question in a newspaper and quite liked it for its intrinsic simplicity: Isn't a desire of not having desires a desire too?

I will leave it to you to instrospect on this.

Ponder over this

It is amazing how we manage to miss the relevant points in life on so many occasions. Two small stories to drive the point home:

1. A couple went with their three children to the beach one day. The children were making castles and enjoying themselves. They saw an old lady in rags coming slowly towards them. She was bending down and picking up some things and putting them into her bag. As she came near the children, the parents shouted out to the kids to stay away from her.

The old lady smiled at them but they did not smile back.

A few days later they learnt that the old lady made it her life to pick up small pieces of glass from the beach sand so that children would not cut their feet.

2. One day a duck hunter went to the market to buy a bird retriever dog. To his amazement he found a dog that could walk on water! He immediately took it home.

He invited one of his friends to hunt the next day and took the dog along. When a flock of ducks came near, he took aim, fired and silently watched. The dog walked on water and retrieved the bird. He looked at his friend for a reaction but the friend remained silent.

He asked him, "Do you see anything unusual about my dog?". The friend replied. "Yes, your dog is unable to swim."

The stories have been extracted from the book "Living Enlightenment"

Magical words

A rich collector had three items with him: a gold ring, a gold nugget and a gold signet seal. When he was asleep, they argued all the time. The gold ring declared that it was better than the other two because it was made for the finger of a rich bride. The gold nugget said it was better than the other two because miners had risked their lives to find it. The gold signet said it was better than the other two because it had sealed the messages of a king.

They argued day and night, until the ring said, 'Let's ask God. He will decide which of us is the best.' The other two agreed, and so they approached the Almighty. Each made its claim for being superior. God listened carefully, and when they were done, he said 'I can't settle your dispute, I'm sorry'.

The gold signet seal grew angry. 'What do you mean, you can't settle it? You're God.'

'That's the problem', said God. 'I don't see a ring, a nugget and a seal. All I see is gold.'

An excerpt from 'Why is God Laughing?' written by Deepak Chopra.

I want to listen to silence

In this exciting world, everything is extremely dynamic. Time, climate, people, situations, relationships, events and so many other things are so variable. I guess that is what makes the entire 'game' exciting at the first place. Take relationships for instance. Think of a person whom you liked the most 10 years back. The person with whom you spent a lot of your time with. Are they still the same today? In my case, the 10 years also is a long period. The people might still be around, but the depth of relationship has diluted significantly. And more importantly, for no 'fault' of either of us (fault in quotes because I do not think it's a fault in any case). Likewise, some relationships has gained a lot of value over the same period. I 'just knew' someone 6 years back. Now, a day does not pass without talking to him.

How interesting! At some points, I was disappointed about the dilution of few relationships. Now, I look back and simply smile at myself thinking how childish I was. But perhaps, I will again feel odd when one of my exisiting 'strong tie' weakens.

I had written a piece a long time back - What's the BIG picture? I have come to understand the same concept so much better today than when I wrote it. I can appreciate the same thoughts in a much better manner. Strange but true.

Relationships are only a case in point. There are so many 'noises' around. I am simply reacting most of the time. Probably every moment that I'm awake, I'm reacting to situations and events around - consciously or sub-consciously.

I want to stop reacting. I want to close my ears from the noise deafening my mind. I want to talk at least 50% less than usual. Every single day. I want to sense the only constancy within and around me, and that's me. Once I feel the constancy in me, I will see and feel the same steadiness in everything around me.

I want to listen to silence...

Please thyself...

It's no secret that I'm damn selfish as a person. I do not do things to please others. Yes, I have made few compromises for my parents over my life, but I am proud of those moments where I kept their interests above mine. I fear I may not be able to do it always. I really fear those moments that are in waiting.

Now, I am selfish by choice. I guess every one is. I was having a discussion about life and related abstract things with a very close friend of mine. I kept saying that the essence of living is in being 'selfish'. And she protested every time. Points of contention? The expected ones - that one has to think about others, the world at large, etc. Well, these thoughts are great but if one does them to please others, he or she would never remain a happy and satisfied person. In other words, if I talk to someone just because I have to, it does not serve any purpose at all. Sans few situations that are, at best, exceptional.

I have worked in few organizations over the last 5 odd years. I was never ‘really’ happy. Yes, there were moments of satisfaction and excitement, but it was not sustained. Those moments were scattered across time. When I decided to move on and be a freelancer or better, entrepreneur :), the feeling was great. It was not short-lived. I am still very happy to be doing so. Not because the pay-off of the decision is better, but simply because I do not have to please others any more. Initially, this decision did not go well with a lot of ‘stake-holders’ in my life, but they are pretty comfortable now. If I would have decided to stay back in a ‘steady income’ job, surely would have been brain-dead by now.

Similarly, I have been teaching CA students for about 4 years now. Every week, week after week, without major breaks. I enjoy doing it. I thoroughly love it. I don’t know why, but I don’t care about the reasons. Again, it has nothing to do with money. I am surprised myself to see the enthusiasm still intact. In fact, the excitement of taking lectures just keeps going up in phases. All this, for a person who has changed 3 jobs in over 4 years!

The point I am trying to drive home is that you are always happy doing things that YOU want to do, and not what some others want you to. Some others here could mean the society at large too. Let’s not fool ourselves. A majority of us are doing certain things in life just to be tagged 'social'.

I look forward to take lectures every week because I love it myself. May be this is not a great theory to write about, but it surely is a plot that a lot of us are missing in day to day life. Is this not what they call passion? Ceteris Paribus, an A.R. Rahman or a Roger Federer is perhaps far happier than an investment banker or an engineer who happened to become one.

Philanthropists do not do charity to show off. They do it because such acts of charity makes themselves happy. Probably, happier than the beneficiaries of such acts of charity! If a person gives away few bucks to a cause because she has to, then such acts won’t be sustainable.

Acts done to make thyself happy are the one’s that last. Don’t fret over things to please the world.

Be selfish, be happy!

I expect a lot of flak for this piece! Over to you, guys...:)

Guys, I'm the same old me...

The reaction that few people are throwing out on my blog pieces these days is "Oh no, not again! :) One of my friends think I am preaching too much these days like a good-for-nothing gyaani. I tend to agree with her. Not with the good-for-nothing part, but with the preaching part! Indeed, increasingly the perception is that I am on my way to become a spiritual guru who has done nothing worthwhile in life. Mind you, I said perception. The reality, like often, is far from it.

It's easy to see how this perception got built up. People who know me for years now also know the eccentric part of my personality. I am at best, avoidable! :) I have radical (bordering on the irrational) thoughts and views. All that was fine till I was a working professional and all this side was just a parallel. Things apparently turned from bad to worse when I quit my job earlier this year. Easier to be deceived then, since it means I was one step closer to doing nothing! Parents and friends feared that I had lost my ambitious side, a part that has helped me reach wherever I am today. About 5 years back, I wanted to be extremely rich. My conversations and discussion revolved around this theme of making money. I guess the fact that I am talking less about these things is creating the perception that I have lost the competitive drive and zeal.

Now to the fact. I still want to be rich. And I will surely have few crores with me in about 10 years from now (good friends and well-wishers will be happy to read this and retort - that's the over-confident and rude Harish we know ;)). Yes, I liked the book The monk who sold his Ferrari (Robin Sharma). But I also liked I bought the monk's Ferrari (Ravi Subramanian). You need to earn your Ferrari before you decide to give it away. But earning the Ferrari need not be at the cost of not being able to do things that you will after you sell the Ferrari. That is, strike the balance. This is precisely what I intend to do for the next few years till I earn my Ferrari. Earn, I will.

Give you must, but after you earn. Share you must, but after you have. In today's world, money speaks. If you wish to have the power to change things, money is a very important tool. But do not chase it recklessly. Have a purpose in life and live towards it. Earn for the cause and earn big time. Earn using your skills and utilise it for a noble cause. But again, earn you must.

I like and believe in what Infosys' Narayana Murthy says: For Heaven's sake, there is nothing wrong in creating wealth by legal and ethical means. Do not ever get confused about choice between creating wealth and charity. First, you create wealth efficiently and only then can you donate your share a part to any charity. If you don't earn, what will you give?

The only variation I would have from what he says is to create a balance and not just do one of the two parts (earning and charity) at a time. Work for causes whole-heartedly, garner resources, help create opportunities and balance things in this uneven world.

As Robin Sharma writes, the purpose of life is to live with a purpose.

Searching for GOD

I have a reputation (rather am infamous) for being an atheist, among my family members and relatives. I earned this reputation by expressing my disliking for temples and idol/photo worship. Not that I attempt to stop my family doing it, but I do not go to temples. Even if I go, it is like going to any other place rather than going to pray to GOD. On the other hand, my mom and brother goes to temple daily, and dad once every week. Initially, mom used to frequently ask me to go to temple and fear GOD, and I kept on insisting that I do not feel the presence of GOD in any temple. Now, both have stopped - mom's pleas and my arguments against it!

The latest temple has come up near my residence. I think it is a Balaji temple. More importantly, the temple is at a place where there used to be a waste dumpyard. But suddenly people are donating lot of money for the temple. I hear that they are converting the stone idol into gold. Of course it requires money. And it is being funded by "GOD-fearing" and "GOD-loving" people.

Apologies for being so sarcastic. To my mind, any search for GOD towards a particular place is so very futile. And when there are opportunities given to people to help genuine causes, most refuses or gives something to do away with the person asking. Why can't people be more considerate towards genuine causes rather than temples and such unproductive purposes? Why don't people realize that service to mankind is service to GOD? Why can't they be more generous in helping people? How do they justify their actions? Or is it simply that they do not think much about these things?

GOD is so much around us. Sit at a quite place and listen to a Jagjit Singh ghazal, you will feel GOD. See a baby smiling and playing with itself, you will see GOD. Meet a school teacher working selflessly for children in a small village, you will meet GOD. GOD does not want you to make a gold idol for HIM. Then why do we fool ourselves?

I approached many people over the last few days for a cause that needed to be complete. Some of the people, the way they responded both in terms of giving money and showing interest, really pleased and motivated me. There was surely a presence of GOD in them. I would always prefer spending time with them rather than going to a temple, everytime given a choice. I am cent percent sure that GOD will always be with such people having noble thoughts and great intentions. Though, not very sure about HE being with people who only visit temples and calls themselves lovers of GOD. May GOD bless them and give them sense! :) Again, the sarcastic me..

21st century sins

The Vatican has come out with a 'reformed' list of NEW sins for this new era. Not surprisingly, it includes "accumulating excessive wealth" also! Why is it not surprising to me? If you check history, the world has always stood against something that a majority of them desires but do not deserve. Creating wealth is an art and those who are devoid of it can only crib about it. Of course, wealth creation by dubious ways is a strict no-no. But if one does it through legal ways, logically it cannot be denied. Sins, by the way, are made up of moral fabric and is not about legality. Also, as with any other matter including relativity, who defines 'excess' wealth? Well, that is an absolutely different topic to blog on, perhaps later.

For now, likes of Ishant Sharma, Dhoni, Ambanis, K. P.Singh - they are committing a deadly sin! It does not matter whether they deserve it based on their skills (like the cricketers) or they create wealth for the stake holders too (like the industrialists). Let the world go eons backward by condemning visionaries and wealth creators.

That reminds me, someone thinks that the IPL's player auctions is akin to prostitution! Ahem.... B-school grads and CAs getting picked up from campus should also be in this then! Hey hey, I am not saying it..

Now is that a sin? The thought that is so radical, so against-the-normal? A thumping NO, to my mind. And that is precisely the point I am trying to drive home. The BIGGEST cardinal sin has to be doing things against your individuality to please someone else. If sin is a moral wrong that GOD condemns, then a person who denies the self what it deserves is the worst sin possible. An individual is complete the way GOD has created him. His thoughts, perceptions, views, perspectives should be respected and denying them is definitely a sin. The sinner is the one who forces a girl to marry against her wishes, with a justification that they know better. Better than the GOD who created the girl? Well, I am not a huge fan of GOD, but these sinners surely are and hence want to use the same modality to explain why they are sinners.

Let the individuality prosper, let people be a slave of only their own thoughts, let us not make someone else see this wonderful place called earth through our eyes.

I cringe to see people doing things that they believe are matured and correct, with eyes and hearts closed to see what they are doing to others in the process.

Self-discovery, not self-improvement

The journey of life is not about improving oneself. It is about remembering oneself. The path you're traveling isn't a journey to some distant land. Rather, it leads back to a place you once knew but forgot along the way, as those around you socialized you out of your essence. Actually, it's a journey back home, to the natural greatness and perfection you had when you were born. We must not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we began and to know the place for the first time.

Living your best life is really mostly about recapturing what you gave up!

It's true. As a child, you were aware of all your gifts. You were innocent and pure. You were immensely creative and wildly passionate. Your imagination knew no boundaries and your dreams knew no limits. You trusted others and had faith in yourself. You didn't have this need we adults have: to have everything all figured out. You expressed your truest essence as a person without fear of reprisal, and you freely let your light shine. You lived totally in the moment and savored every simple gift that each of our lives brings to us on a regular basis. You loved snowflakes and spiders, singing and dreaming, a good hug and a steaming cup of hot chocolate. The world was abundant, a place of boundless possibilities. But then something happened - you grew up!

As you grew up, you started to adopt other people's beliefs about the way the world works and the nature of your role within it. You shut down your beautiful feelings and began to live in your mind - spending your days rationalizing, judging and worrying rather than slipping, dancing and playing. You became a pleaser - thinking, acting and conducting yourself in ways that were not necessarily of your own choosing but of the choosing of those around you, such as your parents, teachers and friends. And so the process of socialization took over and your personal magnificence began to be hidden. You did what you were told, acted as you were instructed to act and thought the way people taught you to think.

And in doing so, you began to live in a small box. After you die, there will be plenty of time to be in a small box... so why live in one while you're alive?

- This is an extract from Robin Sharma's The Saint, the surfer and the CEO.. one of my all time fav books.

SIP in life!

In the world of investments, there is this very popular concept known as the Systematic Investment Plan (SIP). The basic idea behind SIP is that over a long period of time, investments made in the equity markets on a periodic, systematic basis helps in smoothening the impact of excess volatility that equity markets are bound to witness in the short run. In other words, SIP encourages building an investment portfolio by investing small amounts over a long period, rather than waiting to invest in lump sum amount on an irregular basis. (Apologies to my friends from non-finance backgrounds for making this sound like rocket science)

Can’t this concept of SIP be applied to life? Here’s how I think we can:

Over the lifetime of an average person, there are only a few potential momentous/devastating events or experiences. Death of a parent, winning a lottery of few millions, getting married, meeting with an accident, etc are some of the instances you could include under this. Now, what events hold what degree of relevance in one’s life is obviously subjective. Also, some of these events/experiences are certain and many are uncertain. I am referring to the certain ones here. For instance, death of a loved one - a parent. This is the most devastating one I can think of.

One may call me a sadist for visualizing such unpleasant things. But this is where the SIP comes into picture. What if we were to experience such an unpleasant event in installments! What if I imagine a life without my father around me! Obviously, I would be really upset thinking about it now. If I do this for 100 times over the next many years, would the situation be easier to handle when the event actually happens? Would the loss be more bearable since I’ve already ‘experienced’ that many times before?

The same logic (if I may use this word) could be applied in case of extremely happy events also. If the theory that all great things are created twice, one in mind and then in real, the excitement on witnessing these great events could also be ‘smoothened’. The reality is no one would want to be happy in only a controlled manner on blissful moments of life, everyone would want to exult.

A case in point is the character of Howard Roark in Ayn Rand’s ‘The Fountain Head’. If that character seems too fictional to be in existence in this world, think of ace tennis player Roger Federer. I have not seen Federer displaying extreme reactions in either emphatic victories or crushing defeats. Is he a live example of the SIP theory? In a sense that his mind so strong that any event does not trigger too much of a reaction from him.

The flip side to this SIP theory is that there would be nothing that would ‘turn us on’ then.

Does all this sound like a piece of crap! Hope no one calls me up and advises me to see a psychiatrist :)

What's the BIG picture?

We come to this world as 'some one', become 'somebody's son/daughter', 'somebody's sibling', later 'somebody's spouse', 'somebody's parent'. Then we die. Full stop.

Don't get me wrong. The reason why I have specified 'somebody' in the above sentence is because from a broader perspective, that is what everyone around us are. Small parts of a bigger picture, aren't they? We do not necessarily choose a lot of people who get associated with us. Yet we believe they are important and spend almost our entire life for their happiness and well-being. We create a clear and distinct 'universe' of 'somebodies' whom we think are worth our time and energy. Rest of the world becomes irrelevant or fall within the 'I do not care' zone. Simply because they have not been 'incorporated' to our universe. For instance, I may meet 'somebody' in the train whom I do not know. We see each other quite some times but don't really take efforts to know each other. I don't get up to offer him a seat when I see him. We just 'see' each other. However, if I later get married to that 'somebody's' daughter, this person suddenly becomes very important for me! Offering a seat when I meet him is the least I could do, isn't it? As I said earlier, we do not necessairly cherry-pick few 'somebodies' into our universe.

If we take a third-party view of our own lives, the observations are so interesting. I do a lot of things in my life for few 'somebodies' who are a part of my universe. Some of them leave our universe, many die. On one of the coming days, my parents will die. They will just leave me, never to be seen again. Years of association just ends one day.. we do not have a choice even in that aspect! I don't know how to put my feelings in words. One day, all the 'somebodies' leave us forever, people whom we loved so much, people who cared for us, loved us, who were with us for years together.

We are still expected to continue living for the rest of the 'somebodies' in our lives. The process continues till eventually we die. That's about it?

Don't you think there is something missing in this scheme of things? I feel so, and strongly. Are we supposed to be living just like this? Chasing something without ever knowing what is it that we are chasing? Striving hard to earn money without ever knowing how much money is enough? So many things happen around us and beyond our control. Some affect us, many don't. We eat, sleep, drink, walk, cry, laugh, run.. all without knowing the big picture. Where is it that we are headed? Is it all about money, more money and some more money? And about happiness and welfare of only those 'somebodies' who have come within our universe? And end up dying after doing some things, and not doing many? There has to be something more, something deeper and more meaningful than all this..

How many of us smile at total strangers? If we do, how many of them smile back? Am sure the reaction would be a strange stare, at most. Rarely would someone genuinely smile back at us if we do. I've made a reference to this smiling thing only as a pointer towards the fact that we have become so self-indulgent, so much into our own interests and that of the 'somebodies' in our universe.

At work, we have our deliverables defined clearly by our boss. We have targets and roles to play. We get rated on that basis. Extending the same concept, what is the Key Responsibility Area (KRA) of our lives? What are our 'goals'? Have they been defined for us? Who rates us? And what is the rating process like? Would we ever know all this?

Whenever I start to discuss things like this with 'somebody' in my universe, the typical reply is: "Hey mate, all's well? You seem disturbed!" And the topic ends there. Sadly so.