December 20, 2009

More on love

As a comment to my last post, I was asked by PS: "So is true love the same as unconditional love? If yes, how do you relate this post with an equally striking post of yours on unconditional love?" Thought, would reply to it as a separate post.

Firstly, I do not subscribe to the idea of unconditional love. I believe human beings are too complex a creature to do something selflessly keeping his own happiness at stake. A one-off act could be seen, but loving is hardly a short-term act. So to love without keeping his own interest in mind is too improbable. If I am in a relationship, I am in it for my own sake. So is the other person. When such self-centered interests gel with one another, it creates a lasting fulfilling relationship.

Why do I admire the man shown in the video then? It's not because I thought he was doing a selfless act or was loving unconditionally. The admiration comes from the fact that his happiness does not come by being associated with a charming outwardly good-looking girl who is highly educated, well presentable and someone who can add some 'status' to his life. I was amazed by his source of happiness. He has been able to remain content by spending ample time with the girl he loves, though she cannot reciprocate in a way most of us would expect in a relationship. Her well-being being the key factor determining his happiness is a rare sight, especially with her having gone through an unfortunate accident. That is what made me feel good about what he was doing.

Hypothetically, if he were to come upto me and talk of how much sacrifice he is doing to be with her and how he has kept his self-interest aside to take care of her, I would lose a large part of my admiration for him. What I appreciate is an acceptance that someone is in a particular situation in life because he wants to be in it. If someone starts to package it like a selfless, unconditional act, I would laugh my heart out.

So what I am effectively saying is, if Mr.A is in love with a good looking, 'socially acceptable' girl and Mr.B with someone like in the video, I would not respect B more than A for him being selfless. I would rather respect the make of his heart/soul that chooses to remain happy with something like what he is doing. Fact is, both are in the relationship because that is what makes them feel good and happy. The day that ceases, they would walk out citing one or the other reason. Rather, they should or else the relationship becomes burdensome.

P.S.1: Purely my thoughts. Don't have to be subscribed to! :)

P.S.2: I have no intention to demean the girl in the video. I do not mean that she is inferior in any way to a 'normal' girl.


pandemonic scribbles.. said...

Good post..Made me stop and think.
I think parents' love for their child can be termed as unconditional. Let me put it this way-normally,there are more unconditional acts in a parent-child relationship (with the parent acting unconditionally) as compared to other relationships. Reading the above post,I guess true love and unconditional love are different. But is true love is better off than unconditional love?

Someone, u no ;) said...

I agree with the happiness part, this is what I liked in the video as well...
...I have one incident to share. One day I met a man (unknown) who was in his 30's. He was still single and have no intentions to get married as well. The reason was because he was in love with a girl in his college. They both loved eachother, but after few years she got married to a person whom her parents recommended, as she was not allowed to love anyone and have to marry a person of the right caste and religion whom his family and society can accept as his husband. Without bringing any twist in her life she married that person. Now she is happily married for almost more than 5 yrs. And this man is still not because he still loves her and according to him love happens only once and which he had. He didn't married someone because he won't be able to accept any other girl in his life. (The girl didn't ditched because she already informed the man that this can be the future situations and she would go with her parents decisions and will not be marrying him. To which the man didn't had & have any objection). He was sad that he is not able to fulfill his parents dreams.
Then can we call this as a true love? May be yes, may be no... :)