The woman in your life

This piece is from the web, forwarded to me. I know many, many guys who must read this.. who have different yardsticks of expectations from themselves and their wives.

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are;
Who is earning almost as much as you do;

One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are;

One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your
Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system;

That gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements

One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life;

One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family name,

One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen

One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to;

and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you;

One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities;

Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise

One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met;

One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her;

One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it.

But not many guys understand this......

Please appreciate her!

One simple piece of advice to every guy. If you expect your wife to do all what the above piece talks about, then find someone who would be happy doing it. DO NOT change the way she lives just because you want to. DO NOT marry a girl who you know wants to work and build a career and expect her to leave her job after marriage.

There are times...

There are times when you’re happy,
There are times when you’re at peace...

There are times when you’re gloomy,
There are times when you’re subdued...

There are times when you’re lonely,
There are times when you’re excited...

There are times when you want to do so many things,
There are times when you want to stay put doing nothing...

There are times when you’re in the past,
There are times when you’re in the future...

There are times when you want everything,
There are times when you want nothing...

There are times when you miss others,
There are times when you miss yourself...

There are times when you dream,
There are times when you hope...

During all these times if there is just one person you always need besides you,
Then those are the times when you are deeply in love.

Rest in peace

About a week back, I never thought such a thing could occur in my life.

She had been with me for 15 long years. She was more than a companion. Through thick and thin, success and failures, joy and sadness, she helped me see things differently from her perspective, her eyes. People and events made a lot more sense when she was with me. She has helped me through everything. Every moment I was awake, I could not have avoided her presence in my life. Rock-steady that she was, I have been unfair to her many times. Not giving her the respect she deserved, not treating her the way I should have. I have hurt her, left her broken many times. As is the case with most such actions in life, I immediately regretted doing it. For, I was left gasping without activity or movement in life, literally. Could I be dependant on someone so much in life, I kept wondering! Or was I over-exaggerating her presence? I wished I could not be so helpless without her. I could only wish, sadly.

I now remember those joyous moments she had presented me. How she helped me face the world… made me more confident and feel stronger. She was scared of few things… few little things in life. Never let me swim, for instance. But it was too little a sacrifice to make for what she had given me all her life.

And now, she is gone from my life. After 15 long years, gone.. kaput! I could not rehearse, I could not prepare. I could only stare blankly at the doctor when he said I had to let her go. Like a prophet, he added, it’s only for the better. So I must embrace the reality.

What if I need her again? I hope I don’t. Ever... I will learn to live without her. Still, somewhere in my heart, at some point in time, I will keep missing her.

This piece is in fond memory of my spectacles. I started using contact lens yesterday. Hehe.. :)

Not a bad prediction na...

IPL is entering the last phase with about 5/6 matches to go for almost all teams. I had predicted Chennai, Hyderabad and Mumbai to go through to semis. But my fav Deccan Chargers are acting like Dhakkan Chargers. :(

Mumbai could still go through, hitting a purple patch with 5 wins in a row (including 3 over the league toppers and a very comprehensive win over Kolkata today). Chennai look to be safe along with Rajasthan and Mohali.

No point in predicting who would go on to win it. It's all about hitting the form at the right time and as they, peaking at the most appropriate moment. Once into semi-finals, it's all about that day. Remember what happened to Lahore Badshahs in the ICL tournament earlier this year? The only 2 matches they lost in the whole tournament were the 2 of the 3 finals!

Still, if I am forced to choose a team, I would say Yuvraj's Mohali might win the tournament. The team is looking extremely good. That reminds me, have you noticed their opener Shaun Marsh batting? That guy doesn't move at all when the bowler is taking a run-up. Quite a stance it is.. really still.

You thinking, why am I saying all this? To prove my last piece's point - I am still the same guys :)

Guys, I'm the same old me...

The reaction that few people are throwing out on my blog pieces these days is "Oh no, not again! :) One of my friends think I am preaching too much these days like a good-for-nothing gyaani. I tend to agree with her. Not with the good-for-nothing part, but with the preaching part! Indeed, increasingly the perception is that I am on my way to become a spiritual guru who has done nothing worthwhile in life. Mind you, I said perception. The reality, like often, is far from it.

It's easy to see how this perception got built up. People who know me for years now also know the eccentric part of my personality. I am at best, avoidable! :) I have radical (bordering on the irrational) thoughts and views. All that was fine till I was a working professional and all this side was just a parallel. Things apparently turned from bad to worse when I quit my job earlier this year. Easier to be deceived then, since it means I was one step closer to doing nothing! Parents and friends feared that I had lost my ambitious side, a part that has helped me reach wherever I am today. About 5 years back, I wanted to be extremely rich. My conversations and discussion revolved around this theme of making money. I guess the fact that I am talking less about these things is creating the perception that I have lost the competitive drive and zeal.

Now to the fact. I still want to be rich. And I will surely have few crores with me in about 10 years from now (good friends and well-wishers will be happy to read this and retort - that's the over-confident and rude Harish we know ;)). Yes, I liked the book The monk who sold his Ferrari (Robin Sharma). But I also liked I bought the monk's Ferrari (Ravi Subramanian). You need to earn your Ferrari before you decide to give it away. But earning the Ferrari need not be at the cost of not being able to do things that you will after you sell the Ferrari. That is, strike the balance. This is precisely what I intend to do for the next few years till I earn my Ferrari. Earn, I will.

Give you must, but after you earn. Share you must, but after you have. In today's world, money speaks. If you wish to have the power to change things, money is a very important tool. But do not chase it recklessly. Have a purpose in life and live towards it. Earn for the cause and earn big time. Earn using your skills and utilise it for a noble cause. But again, earn you must.

I like and believe in what Infosys' Narayana Murthy says: For Heaven's sake, there is nothing wrong in creating wealth by legal and ethical means. Do not ever get confused about choice between creating wealth and charity. First, you create wealth efficiently and only then can you donate your share a part to any charity. If you don't earn, what will you give?

The only variation I would have from what he says is to create a balance and not just do one of the two parts (earning and charity) at a time. Work for causes whole-heartedly, garner resources, help create opportunities and balance things in this uneven world.

As Robin Sharma writes, the purpose of life is to live with a purpose.

Each one, teach one... can't we?

As a part of my profession, I write research reports on Indian economy. One of the key USPs of Indian economy that we (economists/analysts) sell is the country's demography. India has and will continue to have one of the largest pools of working population, the way our demographic structure is. However, I always end this point in my reports by specifying that the policy makers and think-tank will have to exploit this talent pool by ensuring that the youth is skilled and educated. That’s obviously a big challenge in a country as vast as ours. However, this post is exactly on this point – as to how each one of us could make things happen in a small but sure way.

I happened to witness a small incident today. Something that I have seen many times in the past and I am sure most might have witnessed in this city. A group of some 10-year old slum children were playing on the road. Soon after, some petty argument broke out and the children grouped up to fight. All of it was quite normal. What happened after that is also quite normal, unfortunately. A couple of them started abusing each other using the F-words in Hindi. Those words sound so yucky, more so when coming out from children. Clearly, the children were uneducated and came from backgrounds that are not conducive to their ideal development.

I remember another incident that happened few months back. I was at a teaching centre of one of the NGOs at Byculla. There was this little kid of about 11-12 years. I asked him his name to which his reply was Ridhiman. I did not get that clearly the first time, so I asked him to repeat it. He did so. Again, not very clear. The third time I asked him, he patiently repeated his name and then added “Teacher-didi kehti hai ki hamari pehchaan hamare naam se nahi, kaam se honi chahiye”. I could not say anything sensible after that. At that moment, I felt I really could not have added value to that kid.

The difference between the two kids mentioned above is education and values. Of course, many educated people are also filthy and stupid, but that does not take away the fact that every child deserves quality education. If their families are not able to provide it for whatever reasons – that of ability or willingness, it does not render the children undeserving.

In my last post, I had mentioned that I can feel a sense of renaissance that’s sinking upon the people that surround me on a daily basis. I teach a young crowd of anywhere between 18 and 22 years doing Chartered Accountancy and an inspiring proportion of them do have a facet in their personality that is already (at this age) willing to think and act for the under-privileged. The skeptics might say that it is their young age that makes them feel so and with age, the ‘soda-water-spirit’ would fizz out. I do not think so, but that is quite another aspect.

I believe it’s a wonderful trend that should emerge and sustain. It will go a long way in re-balancing opportunities among the privileged and under-privileged. Slowly but surely, as I said in my earlier posts, things will change. Let us all be the change agents and make a difference to the world around us. And not just to our personal lives and those of our loved ones. Let’s expand our universe of people we care for and want to do something for. Let’s be a little less selfish and see around for opportunities that we can handle.

Let’s create a better world.

Renaissance!

A new era of renaissance is dawning upon us... slowly but surely. India is moving towards the better, bigger, deeper... Extremely pleased to see the developments. Will share them in due course...

Jai Hind

Let’s be humane first...

We aspire to become doctors, scientists, lawyers and what not. We desire to become millionaires, billionaires, and may be more. I am amazed when I think how many hours I spend to think of my dreams and things I want to achieve in this life time. I guess it’s the case with most of us. Yet, we forget that there is a set hierarchy of evolution, growth, development – not just for buildings and countries, but more importantly for human beings also. A building will last for eternity if and only if its foundations are robust. Surely, the same must hold good for us.

I remember a dialogue from the popular Bollywood movie Lage Raho Munnabhai. There is this scene where a girl calls up the Gandhigiri helpline wondering how she would be able to judge the guy she is about to meet for the first time. Sanjay Dutt tells her that the true character of a person is known by the way he/she behaves with people below him in the ‘social cadre’ (something we create to suit our egos).

How true indeed! Who does not behave well with people they know? Every sane person does. Also, we behave well even with people we do not know, but that is mostly in cases where the other person is either above or almost in our ‘level’. But how many of us behave well with people who are supposedly below us - the rickshaw drivers, the waiters, the servants? How about the behavior with the call centre/customer care people who call us up and most of the times we bang the phone down abruptly. Do we not lose our cool sometimes and give them a piece of our mind? For what? Do they enjoy calling us up? They think it’s some kind of a cool job? The fact is (and we all now this) they have to do it to make a living for themselves and their families. Can you imagine how frustrating calling 200-250 people each day and hearing rude replies/abuses in most cases could be! One of my psychologist friends happened to tell me that these people inevitably end up losing their self-confidence in many cases and some of them get suicidal tendencies too. All because we choose to behave rudely, let’s face it.

This blog-piece got triggered earlier today when I was filling my tummy at the Pizza Hut. 3 middle-aged guys were seated in a table and had placed some order. I thought there was some shortage of staff and as a result, the two people who were serving were extremely tied up with many orders. Obviously, there was bound to be some delay. One of the 3 guys called for something and nobody attended to him for some time. He took an offence in it and started shouting, yes real yelling, at the waitress. Things like ‘kya mera paise ka bhaav nahi hai?’ It went on for about 5 long minutes, with all illogical points being raised about the service. Fine, he had a point, but is that a way of making it? The waitress was in tears by the time it was over. She was still supposed to keep saying ‘sorry sir’ to this ‘man’. This is not a one-off incident. It happens each day with many. In most cases, this ‘looking down’ happens in a more subtle manner.

Aren’t these people who serve us emotional human beings? They have emotions and do expect some respect for whatever they are doing. If not anything else, respect as a human being. When is it that we will stop profiling people based on their jobs and social status? What right did the guy have to shout like that on someone? Just because he is earning more than her! That too, not necessarily because of his extra special skills in something, but just because he had better opportunities in life.

People do not become cabbies, waiters, milkmen, delivery boys, salesmen by choice. In most cases, it is the only choice that they are left with after spending a childhood and youth with minimal or no education at all. They are not a result of lack of their skills, but only a lack of opportunities. If we got these opportunities, we should only be feeling lucky and not bossy & rude. If we cannot give them the proper chance to exploit their skills and aptitudes, let us not at least make them feel more humiliated.

Let’s be humane please. That’s the least we can do...

That's what I call smart thinking!

In the banking space, there's this thing called Do Not Call register (akin to a do-not-disturb board put outside the hotel rooms) that each bank has to maintain, as regulated by Reserve Bank of India. Any one who wishes not to receive those marketing cold calls from a particular bank has to enrol his/her name in this register. After doing this, the cold calls are not supposed to bother you again (though it has not worked in case of a couple of banks I tried with). One can complain to the regulator if he/she continues to receive these calls after getting them enrolled (yet to try this).

Today's Economic Times reports that this service is being mis-used by customers (borrowers) who get calls from the bank asking them to repay the loan!

Now, isn't that smart! :)

Sex education...! Hay ram.. tauba tauba

This seems to be the reaction to the long proposed inclusion of sex education in standard 9th and 10th school syllabus. Now, the interesting point here is that the reaction comes from politicians, people who want to create ruckus for most of the things. The parents, on the other hand, apparently want that to be included at the earliest – going by a newspaper poll.

The point of protest is that sex education will spoil the minds of youngsters! Whoa... hear that. I have not heard of a more lame excuse than that. It is like saying, knowing what a world war was all about would encourage students to try and do a war. Or, that knowing about Niagara falls would make all students to go there and see it for live. Whom are we trying to fool? It is surprising that most of us learn about the birds and the bees from some not-so-reliable sources like movies, books, friends who could be novices themselves or these days from the internet. Being aware of anything, including something like sex, can only make youngsters more matured and responsible rather than assuming that they will be spoilt! This in a country where population growth is the highest, where sex is the most favorite activity among the poorer section to relieve their daily life stress, where sex is sold at every nook and corner… Hypocrisy at its peak! Incidentally, few youngsters I know have told me at different occasions that they come to know of these things when they are in school and often what they hear and know are things all over the place with nothing really from a genuine adult who understands these things. So if these things are all around us anyways at our school days, why not formalize it so that what youngsters know are not some rubbish and ridiculous concepts.

Two things should be introduced at the earliest among youngsters - sex education and learning about one’s spiritual self – the purpose of our being on this earth as a human being.