February 1, 2011

Old-fashioned, yet timeless

When was the last time you did something special for your loved one? When was the last time you surprised him/her with a gift? When was the last time you acknowledged their presence in your life? If you have LOVE around you, cherish it, nurture it, protect it. Not many are loved deeply. Not many can love too. Feel blessed if you are one. That is the GOD in our lives.


anamika said...

Cadbury Time or Valentine Effect???...;)...Whatever it is... really surprising to c dis cumin
4m u...? Seems U B-hold many surprises with New Session of Bloggin...!!! ;))))

Aimless Wanderer said...

I don't know if I did "special" for my loved ones..my parents,as in I did it for myself, but yes 21st Jan was indeed one of the best day in my parents life when I cleared CA final, especially when they aren't much educated or haven't seen anybody getting such a respectable degree in near family. Joy on their faces was beyond this universe..I just wished if those moments could freeze.

Trishna - not a desire anymore!! said...

Love has different meanings for all. To writers, love is words. To artists, love is color. To a comic, love is laughter. To a baby, it is mother. To bees, it's nectar. To flowers, it is sunshine.It all depends on you what love is going to mean. Love is a ladder with many rungs. At the lowest it is physiology, biology, chemistry. It is nothing but a play of hormones. A man is attracted towards a woman, a woman is attracted towards a man. People think they are falling in love, but if hormones could laugh they must be laughing inside -- we are befooled. What people generally call love is nothing but attraction between male and female hormones. It is pure chemistry; at the lowest point it is not more than that. It is animal, it is lust.
At the lowest when love is just lust, physiological, it is an exploitation of the other, it is using the other as a means. Soon it is finished. Once you have exploited the woman or the man you lose interest; the interest was only for the moment. The moment the woman is well-known to you, you are finished with her. You have used her as a means -- which is ugly, which is immoral. To use another human being as a means is the most immoral act, because each human being is an end unto himself.
Psychological love knows how to sacrifice. The art, the poetry, the painting, the music, the dance, becomes the end, they are no more means. YOU become a means. The biological love reduces the other to a means; the psychological love raises the other as the end.
When there is no lust, when you don't want to get anything out of your love, when you simply want to give, when you feel obliged because others accept your love, the flame is without smoke. It is pure, it is pure gold.
when others speak of the highest state of love, they deny the lowest; I think you shouldn't deny it, accept it, use it as a stepping-stone. The lower has to be purified by the higher. The lower has to be transformed by the higher, not denied, not rejected. If you reject it, it persists. If you reject it, if you repress it, it takes revenge. It makes you more ugly than you ever were before.
If you go on repressing things, then on the surface you may look like a saint, but only on the surface. It is better to be a sinner on the surface and a saint in the center than vice versa.
Go beyond the lower rung, but you can go beyond it only if you don't reject it. Two things to be remembered: one is, not to be obsessed with it, not to stop at it, and the second is, not to reject and deny it but to use it as a stepping-stone.
Everybody has their own idea of love. And only when you come to the state where all ideas about love have disappeared, where love is no more an idea but simply your being, then only will you know its freedom. Then love is God. Then love is the ultimate truth. Wow...It is such an amazing feeling!!

Snehal said...

Nice Thought.
I donot know what is Love exactly.
I think when u care for someone more than ourself that's love.Becoz when u care for someone then u start loving that someone & when u start loving then u don't stop caring for that someone.

Anonymous said...

I am compelled to comment here (Although I am putting tremendous emphasis on the fact that I wouldn't normally comment on themes and topics that lie beyond the horizon of my acumen). All I want to say is this- once you’ve experienced love, be it of any form or kind, you tend to realize that it isn’t exactly as complex as others make it appear or sound.

Love is simple.

And it remains that way, until we begin to complicate it with our foolhardy attempts towards defining things and trying to classify our emotions under categories such as ‘Pure/Impure’, ‘Conditional/Unconditional’, ‘Lust/Love’, the funniest of all, for me, being ‘True love and Untrue love’ and the list goes on, (Extent of classification may vary from person to person depending upon how much time he actually experiences love and how much time he spends merely thinking about why he isn’t getting any.)

Love happens and when it does, you’ll feel it. I must repeat- you’ll feel it. That’s all there is to it and that is all there has always been to it. Everything else that gets printed, posted, and commented about ‘what is love and what isn’t’ is a good read, but honestly my interest in them never goes beyond the lone intention of improving vocabulary and inculcating a habit of reading without purpose.

And I agree with you Sir. Loved ones truly deserve pleasant surprises. They truly are the GOD in our lives.

Trishna - not a desire anymore!! said...

@Anon : agree love is simple as always and will always be so. Love "happens". When there is love there is only love - no classification as to whether its true/untrue/conditional/unconditional/lust or not! But mind you that's only if the feeling is "love". Obsession, possessiveness, passion, lust are some of the “few” shades termed as "love". The world we live in, is not so simple to be in! A lot of factors that follow-that decide what your life is going to be-you first need to understand whether those around you, those who claim to “love” you , do they really even “love” you?? Or do they love “the person” who’s going to satisfy their demands or fulfill their expectations!! Say “no” many times and you’ll know how much they love you…
So many girls being trafficked by their fathers in the name of “love”. Of course, economic conditions could be the major reason, but that doesn’t justify the act. Emotional atyachaar truly!! A pretty 12 year old, school friend of mine, sold by her father to a rich old man-the girl was told by her father that they needed money for her mother’s operation. She was only to stay with this man who will love her a lot, on just one condition that she had to do as he said. For her mother, she went to stay with this man. The man gave her mobile phones-trinkets-gifts-etc-etc. Nothing expensive but as time passed by she got hooked on to the sex part. The man was good to her initially till she got comfortable with him & then began the abuse. After a span of about 1 and a half year, her father was arrested & she was taken to a rehab, she tried to escape from there many times. On being caught, she innocently asked “why can’t I be with those men??? They take care of me, they love me so much.”
There are darker shades to life that the so called “good people” don’t wish to explore, but that doesn’t change reality! Using the one you love ( better if I say “claim to love” ) to satisfy your wants is so bloody brutal..!!!
Years passed by, today, that girl is 19 years old- a prostitute- by choice or fate-I really don't wish to comment on that!! She has enough money now to live a good life, out of the pit, but she doesn’t. Not because she wants more money but because she’s got used to the torture, she wants to know how much more can life kill her, how potent is she to bear all of it!! Some wounds take time to heal(especially when given by the ones you’ve loved and trusted the most), for some, even a lifetime isn’t enough !!!
Not many are as lucky as we are!!Thank god for a wonderful Life, a loving family, something that we always take for granted!!

Anonymous said...

The incident of a kid being sold by her father for money is indeed gut-wrenching, I agree. Yet, being a man who has always been persistent on his way of thinking, I must add that I found no 'love' involved in the entire paragraph that was quoted so generously before mine. I found out that an innocent 12 year old school girl was fooled by someone into choosing a life full of grotesque facets and unfortunately that someone was her own father. I repeat- A 12 year old school girl, not mature enough to have developed a conscience (read-that tiny little voice that keeps buzzing inside our head telling us whether what we are doing is good or bad) was deceived; not a 12 year old school girl who loved her mother so much and was mature enough to understand that going to live with another man would bring in the money for her mum’s operation. The ‘For her mother, she went to stay with this man’ statement is a wrong presumption that, I believe, was made to ensure that ‘Love’ was introduced into the story as a duly testified convict.

The culprit here is a man whose perversion for making a quick buck supersedes his duty as a father towards protecting his innocent daughter. No one else.

To SIMPLIFY things a bit-The daughter did not do what she did out of love for her mother. She did what her father told her to do because at 12 years that is the SIMPLEST thing to do. I don’t know about anyone else, but I cannot recollect putting a genuine thought to whether what my dad told me to do was right or wrong when I was a kid. I didn’t think that me agreeing to do what he told me to was out of love, because obviously I was too busy at that time trying to figure out how to multiply 243 with 34 or something of that sort like every other child.

As far as the deserves-to-be-shot-at-point-blank-range father is concerned, yes he was old enough to know what love is. But as I’ve mentioned before, it was he who complicated things. I believe he did feel love, but only for two things in specific: one, for his wife (provided he wasn’t lying about the operation in the first place) and two, for moolah (definitely even if he was). Not for his daughter in either case.

I think a more challenging argument against my straightforward claim that love is simple would be if you replace the 12 year old in the incident aforementioned, with a much older woman, say 24 and then continue to read on until that point where the victim gets used to her indecent way of life. Would her love for parents be involved then? I’d still say no.

Because by 24 you are mature enough to know that human trafficking isn’t exactly the only means to get the money required for operations (Need a loan, anyone?) and that a person who tells you to do such a thing would have to be plain bad. Yet if she agrees, it will not be out of love for her mother, it will be out of the lure for the ‘mobile phones-trinkets-gifts-etc-etc’ thingy. Conclusion- No love involved. As SIMPLE as that!

“The world we live in is formed by US and no one else. If we remain simple, so does it.” Mind you, this isn’t an attempt at phrasing an eye-catching quote for the day. There’s 23 years of experience gone behind it.

And I don't understand why disclaimers given at the beginning of prose are not taken seriously before judging what has been written. (Original comment, first line, between the '( )'s).

Trishna - not a desire anymore!! said...

@ Anon: At 12, maybe she didn’t have a conscience to help her decide, but tell me one thing when your mother is dying you’d think of saving her life first or be bothered about your conscience??? And as far as taking loans is concerned, lower class people don’t get loans easily (this is what I’ve heard from my rikshawala) & plus the interest rates are high enough due to the risk involved.
If a 24 year old is considered in this situation, you’re trying to say that every person who has a conscience is materialistic & that purely contradicts the true feelings of love you so strongly seem to believe in. Trafficking is ‘usually’ seen in lower economic classes where girls are looked down upon and not really thought of as a human being. If her father has the audacity to sell her at 12, it simply shows that even at 24 she wouldn’t have a right over her own life. The pressure to obtain a large sum of money that quickly would make her give in, especially if her mother’s operation is in question.
Agree her father didn’t love her. That was what I was trying to point out. People claim to love, don’t love actually in most of the situations. To understand this you need to know what’s love & what’s not. So that people don’t fool you or use you (of course, unless you love that someone truly that you don’t mind being used! )
I don’t agree with your contention that at an age of 12 a child won’t know what she’s doing especially in a situation like the one mentioned. Maturity comes with age generally! But I believe maturity is more a function of what you’ve experienced than of how old you are. In fact, it is because of these situations that children grow older than their age! You don’t remember your childhood life much and did as your father said coz probably you didn’t face such situations then. My childhood was very complex, I remember everything that happened, the decisions that I took then, the arguments with my parents & everything else associated with it. In fact, what I am today is entirely because of those experiences.
You may have experienced different situations, I’ve experienced different ones, so obviously bound to have different perspectives. There was no judgment involved in the previous comment, just that when I’m not convinced with something,I keep intriguing it!

Anonymous said...

Acknowledging the fact that the matter at hand is most subjective, let me adopt a more bogged down approach in my closing explanation:

I read the whole paragraph (this time twice, just to ensure that I hadn’t missed anything through oversight) and maybe I’ll go through it again, but as of now I’m yet to find any form of ‘love’ involved. In almost every sentence I found that one human being was responsible towards complicating the life of the other.

Yes, I agree that a many a times people may claim that they love you, their actual motive behind doing so being heinous. And that is precisely why I say, keep it simple. Trust your heart; trust your conscience, provided you have one of them or both if you are lucky enough. If and when you are able to do that, I don’t believe there will ever arise a need for you to dissect the concept of love (or any other human emotion for that matter) based on clauses and sub-clauses in order to get proof that you are in love and that you are not being duped.

Now I’m no expert on human psychology, but to know that human sentiments are not standard for all, you don’t have to be one. What is love for someone may not be the same for another. So the best way to not spoil everything by comparing what you have with preconceived benchmarks that define love is learning to hear what your inner voice tells you about what it is that you are actually experiencing.

If you cannot do that, then how can you define love in the first place?
And if you can do that, then why do you still feel the need to?

That was all I meant to say.

PS: The loan thing was intended to only act as an example to prove that human trafficking isn’t the lone means for financing operations, nothing else. And yes, the same applies irrespective of whatever class you belong to.

pandemonic scribbles.. said...

'Feel blessed if you are one. That is the GOD in our lives.' - Spot on!

U No Hoo said...

@ Anon and Trishna: Wow :) Thats a lot to read.

@ Srisha: Yeah, more I read it, more I realize it is true.

Freaky thoughts said...

@U no hoo: hav u evr fallen n love wid a girl? Not dat it s vry relevant tho. ur strong feelings abt love make me feel u r 2 positive about it :D.Its either dat u haven't fallen in love with a girl or hv been 2 deeply in love wid someone.Girls are freaky man. Dnt knw how can any1 fall n love wid them :D Sry girls ;) dt is hw u r ;)

someone u no ;) said...

Lucky are those who get their LOVE (Who are loved back) and they should respect it, acknowledge it's importance.
Love is to love. But don't know why it becomes so important at some point in time that you expect the other person to love you back. It can flow from one end up to an extent only, later you start expecting the other person to feel the same for you. If it seems difficult you end up being into a completely different emotional world where you can't stop loving the person because he/she don't love you and on the other side you expect them to love you, care for you in the same way as you do (though it's not fair but that's the fact i guess) It's the most difficult thing to love selflessly... It's very rare, even if you intend to others won't let you do it... ( I doubt if this life of ours actually belong to us?)
He/she may be the only thought in your mind but for them you may not be even a thought (single moment might not have taken place where the person would have thought of you).
It depend on whom you LOVE, that can only decide about it's complexities or simplicity.
All matter of expectation... (Loving without expecting anything is the purest form most difficult as well)
They say love is to give all of you, but somewhere down the line you can't spend whole of your life in memories of the person or you may... (depends on you)
But that would require lots and lots of courage backed with strong determination. The world around expect you to be with a real person (who exists in reality) mere feelings per se only you know how much you love the person but for those whom you matter (the stakeholders of our life i.e. Our parents and so called relatives, friends, etc...) it's the matter of spending your whole life and they won't let you freak in the name of love (their criterion and thoughts on this are wrong or right, that's completely different issue)
All I have to say is, it's very subjective and depends on many factors which decide if love is simple or complex.

Trishala said...

@Someone: :))You said It can flow from one end up to an extent only, later you start expecting the other person to feel the same for you.It eventually means you're letting love flow coz some time in the future, for your love bestowed you want to get it all back! Now that's not SELFLESS! It means you'll get tired loving someday and finally let go the feelings when all hopes cease to exist. When love is natural, you simply cannot get tired coz its not something you are doing, its something that is happening to you.

Think of why loving selflessly involves courage? In worldly terms, we've got so used to being reciprocated for anything we give that giving without getting seems a task of courage! Its not that difficult if the world around doesn't make it look so. Its a lot of situations we see around that impact our behaviour in many ways(eg: friends' experiences, movies,etc)
Like if someone rejects you,you're supposed to feel low, dejected, cry, & blah blah blah... Why? coz this is how every normal person would have behaved in such a situation. If you don't feel like crying, you think of it again and again, torture yourself and cry! What nonsense! Changing our behaviour is entirely in our hands! No, ENTIRELY IN OUR MIND! If love persists on your part, be happy that it happened to you. Not many can love, not many can feel deep..

And Of course, in loving selflessly also there is some underlying selfish motive. You want your love to be happy and that is/should be enough consideration for what you feel :)

Anusha said...

@Trishala: Many talk,few act accordingly. What if you were in a situation like that? Would you still say keep loving without expecting lifelong?Its easy to blabber & give advices to other people, difficult to implement when you are in a situation like that.

Trishala said...

Anusha: True its easy to say things. but I don't think its very difficult to implement(subjective that is).

One basic understanding that you can feel absolutely anything for anyone but you can't do everything,you cant get into someone else's space if he doesn't like it, simple understanding of keeping things very simple. As long as you know what you want and don't act ultra-vires everything will be okay!

To answer your question, if I were in such a situation. .Even if I actually live by what I said above, how would you even know?By the way I didn't know to talk about something a pre-requisite is that you should have experienced it!

someone u no ;) said...

@ Trishala:
1. After my name (so called) you have made a smiley, why so? (reasons, if any)
2. I did not say that where you expect the person to love you back if a SELFLESS LOVE. (My sentence ends with the close of the bracket though I forgot to give full stop but still my next word is starting with a capital letter that could be considered, I guess)
3. Agreed that tired point. But even if you don't then also some point in time you'll be required to give it up(for that matter it may so happen that you may be getting married to some person and at that time I don't think you'll be able to or you should still continue feeling something for someone that would be unfair on your spouse's part.) That was exactly my point that when you are not loved back circumstance may so happen that you are forced to be with someone else and then you run a risk of deceiving that person whom you get married (and even yourself.)
4. If you would agree that we all human beings are selfish then you will also agree that we are the best person to think of our happiness. So if it would have been that easy for anyone to control their emotions why would anyone purposely be sad?, why would he/she cry or feel tortured? Mind you they will be the happiest to control themselves but they can't because it's not easy for them to do so. It's not easy to remain sad as well, many a times in fact all of the times you will wish that no one know about your pain then you have to smile on the face even if there is this unbearable pain bleeding inside you. So everyone wants to be happy but all can't do what they think.
"Aj kal har shaksh humein zindagi jeene ka tarika sikha raha hai. Unhe kya pata ek khawab hai jo adhura reh gaya hai warna humse achha jeena aur kise ata hai...?"
(received this as a text from a friend, just as a normal forward! ;))
5. Agreed that you always want the person to be HAPPY. :)

@Anusha: We get comfort from those who agree with us but we get growth from those who disagree. (received this also as a text, even this was a normal forward!!!! ;))
I was just trying to display the other side of the coin, don't expect everybody to agree with all I say. :) As I said earlier it's a subjective matter and everybody have their own thoughts. Mostly I don't prefer talking on these topics much as it don't serve any purpose. You can't derive any conclusion out of it so you can only state your points, rest things in reality still remains same. Yes, you can learn from others experience and try to change things. :)

Trishala said...

Someone:(Smiley coz once upon a time those were my thoughts & this is precisely why I was compelled to comment over ur comment!)

So you mean we don't control ourselves? Our reactions are totally dependent on what others do to us? Well, if anyone is that vulnerable, its his own internal strength that needs a boost!

Why would anyone torture themselves? Good question with a simple ans:- Human psychology is a dangerous thing. You can actually play around with people if you understand how it works. A simple example:- A child who doesn't get attention, he knows the moment he cries/is hurt, he'll get evryone's attention. No human likes to feel unwanted. Sympathy-one of the easiest way for attention seekers. You askd why would ppl love to be in pain?Because that satisfies your ego! My pain is bigger than anybody else's is good food for ur ego. Feeling so helpless, feeding the same thoughts to your mind that you can do nothing abt it. Because when you say things are not in ur control, you are telling yourself that you are not responsible for anything. Its very easy to blame others. Difficult to accept you are responsible for your own pain/happiness & no one else. because then, to be happy you'll have to take an effort to change your situation & the problem is you want someone else to make life heavenly for you! It takes time and effort to change/transform ourselves coz the blame culture in us is very deep-rooted.

Sir, this comment trail has gone way beyond what the post was abt. Hope you don't mind that.

U No Hoo said...

@Trishala: I am fine with the swaying-off-the-topic comments. I do not really moderate comments and let everything get in.

someone u no ;) said...

@Trishala: We are deviating from LOVE to human psychology...
It'll not lead this discussion anywhere. I mind this...

Anusha said...

@Trishala: Good one.

someone u no ;) said...

@Trishna - not a desire anymore: Though I know it's too late but then I thought, better late than never.
The very first comment of your is just superb! I like reading it again and again each time I get connected to net.
If you don't mind may I know if it is originally yours or you read it somewhere?
Though I doubt if you'll come to know about this comment on you or not but if you notice it then please do reply... :)

Trishala said...

@someone: Thanks!I was a part of a debate at Symbiosis where the topic was teenage love & its sustainability. The credibility of those thoughts mentioned in the first comment goes to my opponents who, with their outrageous contentions, got me thinking to that extent! :)

someone u no ;) said...

...well I'm a bit confused now...
Is Trishala & Trishna same person commenting over here?

Trishala said...