October 15, 2008

Some more wicked ones! ;)

David Bissonette: When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry: After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Socrates: By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Dumas: The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud: I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous: "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

James Holt McGavran: "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

Patrick Murray: Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

Nash: The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...

Anonymous: You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman: My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield: A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Anonymous: A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

Anonymous: First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

4 comments:

priyanka vaidya said...

some more.....
1.After robbing a bank the robber asked a clerk: did u see me robbing?
Clerk: Yes
he was shot dead
to 2nd clerk: did u?
Clerk:no, but my wife did.

2.Why indian law doesnt permit a man to marry a 2nd wife?
coz as per law, one cant be punished twice for the same offence.
3. do u know why women live longer, healthier and happier?
coz they dont have wives.

4. i had many options like sleeping pills, hanging to a ceiling fan, jumping from a building, lying on train tracks but i chose marriage....slow but sure.

mandar.deodhar said...

"Job and Wife have one thing common. Many times you'll feel the other person has better, but its not so :-)"

- Mandar Deodhar quoted in Placement Interview - Amdocs HR Round (posted earlier in some other reply)

U No Hoo said...

hehe, good ones Priyanka. Thanks!

Mandar, indeed remember that reply. Witty indeed.

Sumita Nayak said...

Wld like 2 share....

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, If after a year, he still had no answer; he would be put to death. The question was: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, And to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, He accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: The princess, the priests, the wise men, and even the court jester.. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, The most noble of the Knights of the Round Table, And Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunch-backed and hideous, had only one tooth, Smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc.

He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden, But Lancelot, having learnt of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life. And the reservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered. Arthur's question thus: 'What a woman really wants?'

She said, 'Is to be in charge of her own life.'

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth. And that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was. The neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom. And Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and, Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, She would henceforth be her horrible and deformed self only half the time.. And the beautiful maiden the other half.

'Which would you prefer? She asked him. 'Beautiful during the day .... or at night?'

Lancelot pondered the predicament.

During the day he could have a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, But at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch!

Or,

Would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day?

But by night a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous, intimate moments with?

(If you are a man reading this...) What would YOUR choice be?

(If you are a woman reading this) What should YOUR MAN'S choice be?

What Lancelot chose, is given below:

BUT... make YOUR choice before you scroll down below... OKAY?
:
:
Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave Arthur to his question, He said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time. Because, he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now.... what is the moral to this story?

The moral is…..

1. There is a witch in every woman no matter how beautiful she is!

2. If you don't let a woman have her own way, things are going to get ugly.

So, always remember:

IT'S EITHER 'HER WAY' OR IT'S 'NO WAY'.