All shades of grey

Why are most of the relationships so complicated most of the times? None are ever in shades of white or black. They are all gray most times. Why does it take so much efforts to keep a relationship going? Why can it not be a simpler process? Does the presence of two different human beings make it such? Is it the expectations that kill the charm of a relationship? Or is it the lack of expectations beyond a point? Does all relationships go through swinging cycles of peaks and lulls? How difficult is to live without many relationships to entangle you? For that matter, do relationships not entangle you? If not always, most times? And those most times, don't they kill the joy of the few times it does not?

These are not mere questions. Mere musings.

Your opinion matters!

A very close friend of mine thought that it was awkward to read my last post about using condoms to prevent AIDS. Basically, he said this in the context that I am also a teacher and my students will find it odd that their teacher is writing about things that are considered to be taboo in our society.

This made me think about whether I must be conscious about these things keeping in mind that some of my students also read my blog regularly. Should I refrain from writing about issues that are generally considered a taboo since coming from a teacher (who in our society is looked up to as a parent), it can make the student feel awkward? Or do I blog keeping my 'teacher' avatar separate from me the individual? Are these roles separable in the eyes of a student?

So, to get a real sense on this issue, I am creating an opinion poll for you to tell me what you think about this matter. Be honest in replying and feel free to add your comments. Quite obviously, the opinion of my student-readers matter the most! Also, add your comment separately to this post if you are my student!! It will help me in knowing your views better. There are separate options if you are a student and if you are a non-student reader - will help the analysis better.

Waiting for your thoughts!

Dry humor

Few thousand deaths by Swine Flu results in people romaing around wearing masks as protection. Still, many million deaths by AIDS do not result in many using condoms. What irony!

Sick!

Some men get an ego-boost by how much he can dominate his wife and how much she would keep giving in to his stupid orders/thoughts. Sick men. Please grow up guys.

Can love be unconditional?

Is the term 'unconditional love' an over-hyped cliché? Here, I have re-framed another question that I have been asked a couple of times - Do I believe that Ajay Devgan's character in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam is a realistic one?

In this context, 'Unconditional' refers to 'Selfless', perhaps. If that is so, I cannot disagree more on the concept! For, there is no such term as 'Selfless' as far as I am concerned. Every single thing that we do since the day we are born till the moment we die are always self-centered. At times, some of these acts also helps somebody else or society at large. But that does not change the fact that you did it because you cherished doing it or simply put, you wanted to do it.

Using the same principle, even love cannot be unconditional. What we might call selfless is the ability of a person to keep the partner's interests and likings above his. Each day, each moment, each time. This, obviously, is not easy. Yet possible. And to my mind, one of the most necessary ingredients to love someone 'selflessly' is a sense of very deep and strong self-love. If you cannot love yourself strongly and genuinely, you cannot love your partner genuinely either. Sure, you will do things to make her happy and please her and call it 'love for her'. Well, that's just a deception. What you basically need is her approval of you as a person and lot of acknowledgements of how amazing a person you are. This type of 'unconditonal love' will evaporate the moment she says/does something that is against your desire or hurts your ego.

On the other hand, if you are in a relationship with her without a need of re-assurance about your own self, then the only thing that you are really bothered about is how much more value can you add to her life and soul, how much more happiness could you give her, how much more of her real self can you help her discover. Now, is this being more 'selfless' than the earlier case? Kind of. Since you were always a content/happy person before you entered the relationship, the only reason you might have opted for it is with a belief that you could keep your partner really happy and joyful. This, the world perhaps believe, is selfless. I do not. Because if you are not enjoying the process, you would not be doing it. If that is the case, it cannot be unconditional. Here the condition is that you must feel the joy of her being happy. Being unconditional does not just mean you do not expect your partner to do something for you.

The character in HDDCS is indeed a realistic one because he too has shades of selfishness. If the character would have forced his wife to stay with him and not attempt to find the person she loves (and that would be against his own wishes), then he is doing that to please his parents and the society at large. That, surely, is a more selfless act than what the character actually did!

Finally, after all this, the most obvious question: Would I do what the character did? Well, rather than me saying anything, I sincerely hope (somewhere down my heart, I know) that there are a handful of people in this world who truly believe that I would indeed do so. Reason being I'm one of the most selfish person that one could come across. Simple enough.